| I am often asked what my 'red flags' are as a | | | | his criminal, mental health, and relationship history. The |
| therapist when I am counseling a couple and I sense | | | | best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. |
| he might be dangerous. There certainly ARE specific | | | | There are on-line background search sites that can do |
| things that I have trained my ear to listen for because | | | | this. Women often discount a man's criminal history. His |
| they are often indicators of more serious problems | | | | criminal history is good predictors of future violence, |
| often attached to dangerous behavior. | | | | other criminality and sometimes mental health issues. |
| These include: | | | | Likewise, his mental health history matters! If he has |
| * Pacing of the relationship. If its 24/7 it's not that he's | | | | been diagnosed with a mental condition, most |
| "just that into you." Pathological men have agendas | | | | conditions INCREASE with time, age, and stress. |
| about getting the relationship to appear 'intense' and | | | | Mental conditions are highly unpredictable and how he |
| 'deep' quickly. They want to usher you into the middle | | | | appears 'now' is not a guarantee of any stability in the |
| of the relationship before you figure out his agenda or | | | | future. All of his histories matter: criminal, mental health, |
| respond to your own red flags. Predators have told | | | | and relational. |
| me in group that their move is to 'sweep them off their | | | | * Enduring Patterns of Behavior. Women often believe |
| feet' by overwhelming them with intensity of emotion, | | | | they can 'change' men once they are in a relationship |
| time, and gifts. Women who get into intense | | | | with it. It's one of our characteristics we don't like to |
| relationships in which quickly they are seeing each | | | | admit! But it is often part of our belief system. But if he |
| other constantly, not having an outside life, and have | | | | has 'always been this way' he may have a |
| the sensation of being 'breathless' from the pace of | | | | pathological disorder which is determined by looking at |
| the relationship are often with a dangerous man. Many | | | | enduring patterns of behavior that don't change. |
| different types of dangerous men often try to move in | | | | Chronic womanizing, unrelenting unemployment, long |
| quickly or marry quickly. Both of which should be a red | | | | histories of addictions, etc. are all examples of enduring |
| flag to a woman. Women should always be in charge | | | | patterns of behavior. We begin to suspect pathological |
| of the pace of the relationship which should be SLOW. | | | | (which means a permanent disorder) when people |
| Women should also change the pace of the | | | | have long histories of certain behaviors. These |
| relationship and see how he responds. Normal men | | | | behaviors will not be changed by you, or likely, anyone |
| accept that you ask for more time to yourself, | | | | else, including professionals. |
| dangerous men do not. They guilt and shame you into | | | | * His pattern of selection. The types of women he has |
| keeping the pace at THEIR rate, not yours. | | | | dated can reveal the type of woman he targets. A |
| * Serial Relationships. Women often ignore a man's | | | | history of emotionally unhealthy women should be a |
| history of failed relationships. Guys with histories of | | | | red flag. Some men love victimized women, others like |
| multiple failed relationships have difficulty being alone so | | | | women with low self esteem, or financially dependent |
| they rapidly seek other relationships without reflection | | | | women. What are the women like he has been with |
| on the failed one. This lack of insight in the failed | | | | and why are you now one he wants to be with? |
| relationship increases his pacing so that women are | | | | If these are red flags for me, they certainly should be |
| hurried into a relationship before figuring 'why' he has | | | | for women as well. Women who end up with |
| so many failed relationships. One clue I always listen | | | | dangerous man-after-dangerous man is women who |
| for is his relational history--how many relationships, why | | | | ignore the warning signs, like these, and often 'hope' |
| they ended, what he has to say about his own | | | | they are going to get different results than what the |
| responsibility in them ending, and what he says about | | | | professionals are advising. Don't be one of them! |
| the woman now. Men who take no responsibility for | | | | For more information on dangerous relationships see |
| their actions often have mental health issues as do | | | | ** This article is free to use as long as the article is |
| men who never say anything good about any of the | | | | kept in its original format without changes and includes |
| women they have been with. | | | | the link listed above. |
| * His History. Women need to find information about | | | | |