| As a Family Coach and Mental Health Therapist, I have | | | | have shortcomings and we all make mistakes. |
| nothing but respect for parents and parenting. It has | | | | Knowing this, we can connect at a heart level with |
| got be the hardest job there is especially in this | | | | others in our lives who have also made mistakes |
| overwhelming and complex world that we live in. | | | | rather than judging or being critical of our sometimes |
| There are so many negative influences and difficult | | | | less than skillful attempts to raise these human beings |
| decisions that come at you almost at the speed of | | | | that we have brought into the world. Feeling |
| light. Parents need to be mediators, experts in | | | | inadequate in the face of the stresses that you face |
| development, and futurists to manage the constant | | | | you can touch your heart and connect with your |
| flow of information coming their way, make | | | | humanness. |
| developmentally appropriate decisions that may impact | | | | Second, remember the same is true with our children. |
| the rest of their child's life and, be able to peer into the | | | | Children, especially teens, try on many personas as |
| crystal ball to get a sense of what the future holds for | | | | they try to figure out who they are, separate from |
| their sons and daughters in this fast changing | | | | parents and become independent. Beneath their |
| unpredictable world. These challenges come in the | | | | unskilled attempts to accomplish these tasks are |
| midst of being tired from working, having a difficult time | | | | feelings of insecurity, anxiety, and frustration. Like you, |
| finding adequate quality time to spend with their kids, | | | | they are learning on the job and need adults in their |
| and being stressed by a world that seems to often be | | | | lives to be mirrors for their behaviors and thinking while |
| on the brink of disaster. Oh, and their children are | | | | providing unconditional positive regard for them as |
| constantly expecting, no, demanding, that they give | | | | human beings during this difficult time. We may not |
| them their immediate attention and fix their problems | | | | always like their choices of behavior but we can |
| with a wave of your magic wand. One parent stated | | | | always love who they are and the magic of their |
| that "it is a lot of pressure when this is your only shot | | | | unfolding. |
| to nurture and grow this other human being" That truly | | | | Lastly, create an intention for how you'd like your |
| is a lot of pressure. | | | | relationships to be. For example, you may want your |
| So often when I work with parents I hear them being | | | | relationship with your teen to be loving and trusting, or, |
| hard on themselves when there is a problem with one | | | | open and mutual. Create an image in your minds eye |
| of their children. They are sure that if only they had | | | | of what that looks like and hold that image while putting |
| done something differently the problem would not exist. | | | | your hand on your chest and breathing into your heart. |
| They feel guilty, imagine all of the horrible things that | | | | Let the image and the feeling in your heart merge and |
| might happen because of their "mistakes", and have a | | | | sense what it feels like. Practice this frequently and, |
| stereo connection to the critic in their heads that will | | | | when you anticipate having a difficult time with your |
| not give them any peace. Even if you've made a | | | | teen, touch your heart, and remember the feeling and |
| "mistake" it doesn't mean that the end of the world | | | | your intention as you engage with them. |
| has come. As one parent stated, "mistakes are what | | | | Remembering that compassion connects us all as |
| make us better". Learning, or remembering, a few | | | | human beings and that we can create and intention for |
| simple strategies can make this journey a lot easier for | | | | how we want our relationships to be can provide a |
| both parent and child. | | | | guiding light when times are challenging. Being |
| Often parents forget that, as human beings, we all | | | | compassionate with yourself and connecting with your |
| make mistakes and very often we bring into our | | | | children by understanding the struggles that go on |
| relationships what we learned as children from our | | | | beneath the behavior they display deepens your |
| own parents who were doing the very the best that | | | | connection with them as human beings. Using the |
| they could. A starting place for me when working with | | | | compassion of your heart center rather than your |
| families is to help move them from judgment to | | | | judgments when interacting with your children will send |
| compassion. In this article I wouldlike to suggest 3 ways | | | | a message of caring, understanding and unconditional |
| you can move from judgment to compassion and | | | | regard. I read a quote recently that said "Stop trying to |
| deepen your connection with your child | | | | perfect your child, but keep trying to perfect your |
| First, remember that compassion is what connects us | | | | relationship with them". Seems like good advice! |
| as all as human beings. We all have suffering, we all | | | | |