| If you ask a writer for 6 things you should do to | | | | family won't hear your screams of pain when your |
| prepare to write a book, you'll normally get suggestions | | | | participles are dangled and your meanings mangled. It's |
| like organize your book, identify your reader, plan your | | | | also a good way of indicating you aren't to be |
| book, design your book and so on. Even I've written | | | | disturbed -- pun intended, timing optional! |
| articles that answer the question like that. | | | | 3. Take the phone off the hook or at least turn down |
| But that's wrong! Those are all early stages in the | | | | the ringer. That way the collection agents can't call you. |
| writing process. When you do those things you have | | | | On second thought don't take the phone off the hook. |
| already started writing a book. | | | | Even an interruption from a collection agent is better |
| However, there are a number of things you should do | | | | than your teenage daughter missing a phone call from |
| to prepare to write a book. With a light heart and | | | | her newest beau. |
| tongue planted firmly in cheek, here are six of them: | | | | 4. Put on the headphones and crank up the Mozart. If |
| 1. Warn the spouse and kids you are about to start | | | | baroque is good for babies then it should help you. Or |
| writing. Having the kids walk in on you while you're | | | | stick on the Alice Cooper and admit it's much too late |
| wandering about the office talking to yourself is bad. | | | | for music to help your mental facilities. Or better still |
| Cackling away and then swearing is just plain | | | | forget the headphones and stick on the Beethoven. |
| guaranteed to make them pay big bucks to lie on | | | | The music will help prevent the neighbors from asking |
| doctors' couches when they grow up. And spouses | | | | about the strange noises coming from your office. |
| have been known to walk in on you just as you swing | | | | 5. Check the sign. You know the one that's over your |
| the battle axe at that pesky dark elf that's been | | | | computer. Yeah, that's the one. The one that reminds |
| sticking knives in you all day. Or they just might give | | | | you why you keep doing this despite your better |
| you the more common excuse of "Come play | | | | judgment! |
| baseball with me". So warn them and save yourself | | | | 6. Now read what you read yesterday. If you still think |
| the trouble of explaining to the nice men in the white | | | | you'll be able to write a book afterward then you're on |
| coats that your hero just couldn't get his act together | | | | your way. Maybe to insanity and maybe to a book. In |
| so you were trying to talk him through it. | | | | any case you're out of things you should do to |
| 2. Close the door to the office. After all, soundproofing | | | | prepare to write a book. So get to work! |
| works better when the door is closed. That way your | | | | |