| In August of 2002 my life was in complete disarray. | | | | telling me that God was with me and I found that |
| My children had been taken from my wife one year | | | | comforting even in all the confusion and the sickness I |
| earlier while I was in a drug rehab at the time. I had | | | | was feeling. |
| given up all hope of ever getting them back and I had | | | | I sat on a bench outside the building with my face |
| sunk into a deep hole of depression, drug abuse and | | | | resting in my hands. I tried to pray and as the tears |
| complete surrender. I was homeless and sleeping on | | | | rolled down my face I remember saying over and |
| park benches, the sandy beach or wherever I could | | | | over again, "help me God, I surrender". Even in my |
| safely find a resting place. | | | | brokenness I knew that God and only God could |
| I was a worthless drug addict, a thief, and a disgrace. | | | | restore my health and my sanity, so I was either going |
| That's how I saw myself and I'm sure that's how | | | | to trust Him and move in faith or I was going to give up |
| others saw me as well. But God had other plans for | | | | on him and die a slow suffering death. |
| me and this is where the miracles began to manifest. | | | | Behind me I could here people approaching and I |
| One afternoon as I was sitting on the grass outside of | | | | recognized some of their voices as friends I had made |
| a food kitchen that fed the homeless. A man | | | | in the meetings. Only addicts can understand truly |
| appeared out of nowhere and almost stepped on me | | | | understand what another addict is going through and |
| as he cut through the dense hedges where I sat. The | | | | they surrounded me with love and compassion. We |
| sun was glaring in my eyes as I looked up to him and I | | | | were soldiers who were battling for our lives and we |
| thought he was an angel. He asked me if was | | | | knew that the only way to victory was to surrender |
| homeless and I held back the tears as I told him I was. | | | | our will to God and to love and support each other. |
| He invited me to join him for lunch inside of the food | | | | We couldn't rely on will power any more seeing that it |
| kitchen and something inside me told me to accept | | | | was our own will that brought us to our knees in the |
| and I did. He listened intently to my story yet he had | | | | first place. I knew I was right where I needed to be at |
| this understanding look in his eyes as if he already | | | | that moment and I reluctantly agreed to let them drive |
| knew everything I was telling him including my struggle | | | | me to a Detox center where I could receive medical |
| with my addiction and my feelings of hopelessness. He | | | | help and get some rest and nourishment. |
| said he had come to help me and he would provide | | | | I didn't know the guy who was driving but I do |
| me with food, shelter and a chance at a new life if I | | | | remember him telling me that I was going to make it |
| were willing to do everything that was asked for me. I | | | | through this and one day I would use my experience |
| couldn't hold back my tears any longer as my head fell | | | | as a testimony to others. I wanted to jump out of his |
| into hands. When I looked up he was gone and in front | | | | car every time we stopped at a light so I could go and |
| of me was a card with nothing but a phone number on | | | | get high just to make the sickness go away, but in the |
| it and the words "Call Now, your life awaits you". | | | | back seat my friend had her hands on my frail |
| I ran outside and hopped on my broken down bicycle | | | | shoulders and was telling me how proud she was of |
| and pedaled as fast as I could to the Crossroads, a | | | | me and beside her was a woman just praying and |
| building used for NA and AA meetings where I had | | | | praying and I began to weep. I knew then that I was |
| spent most of my days and nights going to meetings | | | | not turning back and I was through running from my |
| hoping that God would show up and make this | | | | addiction. It was time for a show down and I was |
| nightmare go away. I made my way inside to the pay | | | | going to let God handle this. |
| phone and dialed the number on the card. A voice on | | | | My detox was not your typical one in fact I still can't |
| the other end answered "Homeless Outreach Center" | | | | explain to this day what happened. I ended up in 3 |
| and I began to ramble on and on about the man and | | | | different detox centers, 1 rehab, 2 trips to the |
| the card and the new life, but she knew of no such | | | | emergency room by ambulance and finally came to |
| man. She explained that she had no openings for | | | | rest in a padded room in a mental ward after |
| interview for at least 2 weeks and I knew that I | | | | Hallucinating for several days and falling into a deep |
| couldn't exist like this for 2 more weeks. I was sick as | | | | state of paranoia. |
| a dog and had lost over 30 pounds. I was near death, | | | | Perhaps it was sleep deprivation or maybe my mind |
| one way or the other between the drugs and the | | | | shut down because it wasn't used to functioning |
| mal-nutrition I needed help fast. She told me to call | | | | without the poisonous chemicals it had come |
| back after 4 because on occasion they get a | | | | accustomed to for such a long period of times. Or |
| cancellation. I hung up the phone even more | | | | maybe this is what God knew it was going to take for |
| discouraged then I had been in a long time. I had no | | | | me in order for me to never use again. Whatever the |
| plans on calling her back but at 4 pm sharp something | | | | reason it worked. I know one thing for sure; it gave me |
| told me to make the call and that's when I felt my first | | | | a powerful testimony to share with others. This was |
| glimpse of hope since God knows when. Someone | | | | nothing short of a miracle and I knew I now had the |
| had cancelled and she made an appointment for me | | | | responsibility to share my testimony with others who |
| for the next day to come in for an interview. I had no | | | | are struggling with their own addictions or in any area |
| idea what this interview was about but I stared at the | | | | of their lives. If you're reading this I can assure you that |
| card in my hand and somehow found hope in the | | | | it is not by mistake. There are no coincidences in God's |
| words "your life awaits you" | | | | world. |
| I slept on a park bench that night and at 6 a.m I rode | | | | After having my insanity restored I moved into the |
| my bike to the bus stop and chained it up around the | | | | halfway house at last. It took a couple of weeks to |
| sign for safekeeping. I transferred to another bus and | | | | get healthy enough to look for work but I soon began |
| 90 minutes later I was there for my screening. It was | | | | to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I attended at |
| explained to me that they were able to put me up in a | | | | least one N.A meeting a day and surrounded myself |
| halfway house free for a month as well as supply me | | | | with positive people who were taking their recovery |
| with food to fill my refrigerator. I was interviewed by 3 | | | | serious. On day 30 I found a job and my faith became |
| different people and everything was going smooth until | | | | so strong that I believed with all my heart that I would |
| I told them that I was on prescription medication that | | | | get my daughters back despite of what I was told by |
| my doctor was weaning me off slowly because there | | | | the authorities and all the negative people who polluted |
| was a high risk of seizures and other side effects that | | | | the recovery meetings. I knew that God was the |
| were likely to occur if I stopped using the medicine cold | | | | ultimate authority and he would have the final say. He |
| turkey because of the large amount I had been taking | | | | didn't bring me this far for nothing. I was sure he had |
| as well as the length of time I had been poisoning | | | | many more miracles planned and I walked in faith |
| myself with them. | | | | looking forward to see what He was about to do next. |
| Then reality set in and I became very alarmed when it | | | | By the time my final court day came around I had a |
| was explained to me that I would have to detox off | | | | nice two-bedroom apartment and a beautiful car. I |
| the drugs and be totally clean before they could place | | | | couldn't control my gratitude it was overwhelming. In 90 |
| me in a halfway house. I got up to leave because | | | | days time I had gone from a homeless addict, to a |
| going into a detox center was going to be pure hell | | | | mental patient in a padded room, to a respected |
| and I thought there was no way I was going to just | | | | member of society. How could this be? I'm sure you'll |
| stop taking the only thing in the world that allowed me | | | | agree that this isn't humanly possible or at best |
| to even keep what little sanity I had left. Yet something | | | | extremely unlikely. But with God all things are possible. |
| told me to sit back down and finish the screening | | | | The time had come for the final battle, the fight for my |
| process so if by some miracle I did find the courage to | | | | children. |
| go into a detox at least I would know that there was | | | | Everyone involved in the case had now taken my side |
| help waiting for me when I got out. They told me to call | | | | and I now had the favor of man as well as favor with |
| them when I was being released from the detox | | | | God. However there were laws in place that could not |
| center and I left very discouraged once more. | | | | allow the judge to give me custody of my girls |
| The next day was a defining day for me. | | | | because over a year had passed and they were now |
| I had a final interview with the Department of Children | | | | about to be adopted. The judge would have no choice |
| and Family's and my mom was driving me down to Ft. | | | | but to follow the guidelines and deny me custody, but |
| Lauderdale. I had one pill left to level me out and I took | | | | as I stated earlier, God has is the ultimate authority and |
| it when awoke that morning from my spot on the | | | | he would have the final word. |
| beach. I had decided that I was going to try and kick | | | | I sat alone at my table yet God was there to |
| my habit cold turkey but I had no idea at the time just | | | | represent me. The judge sat silently as he read the |
| how powerful my addiction had become. | | | | case history and the recommendations from the many |
| Inside of the Interview room there were about 10 | | | | agencies that were present. A smile came to his face |
| people from various agencies and I knew that I was | | | | as he peered over to me from across the courtroom. |
| going to have to put on the most persuasive | | | | And then he addressed me with respect and |
| performance of my life as I gave one last plea for | | | | admiration and said to me "In all my years on the |
| more time before my children were adopted. All the | | | | bench I have never seen a case like this nor a man |
| cards were stacked against me but I gave a strong | | | | with such perseverance. You're love for your children |
| argument and refused to back down. The children had | | | | has miraculously given you the strength and |
| been in foster care for over a year and the bylaws | | | | determination to defy tremendous obstacles and what |
| stated that after a year the parent has lost their right | | | | before today I would have called impossible odds. I am |
| to petition for custody. But God was with me in that | | | | confident that these children will be blessed to have |
| room and I was given grace in the form of a 90 day | | | | you as a father and furthermore believe that you will |
| extension, however, there were 3 stiff stipulations and | | | | be a wonderful role model to them as you are to |
| at the time they seemed totally unfeasible and I had | | | | everyone in this courtroom. Sir, this court has a great |
| couldn't even imagine how I would be able to meet | | | | respect for you. Are you ready to take your girls |
| their requirements. | | | | home?". |
| They gave me 90 days to have my own residence, a | | | | My God, my girls were coming home with me! I couldn't |
| reliable vehicle and solid employment. On top of that I | | | | control my tears as people applauded and |
| would have to pass random drug tests and one | | | | congratulated me. When they asked me how I did it I |
| positive drug test would have my girls adopted and out | | | | tell them "I gave it to God and I just walked with Him in |
| of my life forever. I was relieved yet overwhelmed. I | | | | faith. What a beautiful day, what an awesome God. |
| was in need of divine intervention and that's when the | | | | The girl's mother never came back but we continue to |
| miracles began to appear. God was at work and I | | | | pray for her that one day she too would give her |
| knew I had to give everything to him and get out of | | | | addiction to God. As I write this it has now been 7 |
| my own way. | | | | years that I've been clean and 6 blessed years that |
| That night as I lay trembling in the sand on the beach | | | | the 3 of us have been a family. Our home is always |
| that had become my bed for the past couple of | | | | filled with laughter and my daughters both have |
| months I began to feel withdrawal sickness from not | | | | beautiful hearts and always remember that God |
| taking the drugs my body had come to depend on. It | | | | comes first. In the past six years my girls have seen |
| was one of the longest nights of my life. As I lay | | | | many more miracles in our home and they know |
| looking up at the stars I tried in vain to remember what | | | | beyond a shadow of a doubt that "All things are |
| my life was like before the drugs and the insanity. How | | | | possible with God". |
| did I end up here? Then I heard a faint voice inside my | | | | I pray my testimony has been a blessing and an |
| head say "You didn't end up here because you're | | | | encouragement to you. No matter what you are |
| journey isn't over". I don't know where it came from | | | | facing and no matter what your circumstances may |
| but it was enough to give me hope for the first time in | | | | dictate to you always remember that we weren't put |
| a long time. | | | | on this Earth to suffer but to have a life of abundance. |
| As the sun began to rise above the oceans horizon I | | | | There is always hope and always a way to change |
| found myself trudging through the sand and making my | | | | your circumstances but from my experience I have |
| way towards the sidewalk where my bicycle was | | | | learned that it takes a power much greater than |
| chained to a street sign. After 3 attempts I finally found | | | | myself. God is not a religion, He is love and joy, |
| myself securely on the seat and pedaling over the | | | | compassion and mercy. He is not far away in the |
| bridge toward the Narcotics Anonymous meeting on | | | | Heavens but is the good that lives inside each of us. If |
| the other side. My body was week but my will | | | | you've been trying to do things your way and find you |
| overcame it, so I continued to press forward with | | | | keep getting the same results then perhaps it's time to |
| every ounce of energy I could muster and soon found | | | | surrender your will and allow God to to bring you |
| myself at the meeting. Something deep inside me was | | | | victory. |