| It wasn't until I began surviving on two or three hours | | | | screams of a baby, wasn't completely comfortable |
| of sleep a night that I began to understand how child | | | | with the idea, but I gave him a choice; a crying baby, or |
| abuse happens. Prior to having children, nothing could | | | | a wife who runs screaming to the nearest mental |
| have been more alien to me than the notion that | | | | health facility. Fortunately, he made the correct choice. |
| anyone would even consider harming a child. But a | | | | It took three nights, but it worked like a charm. I would |
| few months into parenthood, having never had gotten | | | | wake up in the morning after a good six or seven |
| more than a few hours of sleep at a stretch, I | | | | hours of sleep, hollering praises to the Almighty in |
| remember curling up in a fetal position on my bed | | | | gratitude for the mercy showered upon me. |
| listening to my inconsolable baby screaming in the next | | | | I'm not here to endorse the lauded Ferber Method. In |
| room. Oh, I would have given my left arm (and I'm | | | | fact, this was not the end of our sleep issues. But it |
| left-handed, mind you), for maybe five or six hours of | | | | was the end of me feeling guilty for being a parent |
| silence. | | | | that doesn't cater to my child's whims, even at the |
| Five or six hours of sleep. | | | | expense of my own sanity and well-being. |
| Fortunately, I'm a relatively stable person. Even | | | | The sleep issues have continued, on and off, through |
| bleary-eyed and on the brink of madness, I had enough | | | | the years. That precious baby is almost four now, with |
| sense to pick up the phone and call for help. "I can't | | | | a one-year-old baby sister. We've seen our share of |
| take it anymore!" I wept to my husband. "I'm a horrible | | | | sleep issues, from demanding toddlers to night terrors |
| mother!" | | | | and more. I've learned to approach these hurdles as |
| My problem wasn't that I was a horrible mother, of | | | | they come with a blend of both empathy and |
| course. On the contrary, it was that I was trying to be | | | | practicality. With balance. Sometimes there are tears |
| too good of a mother. I never wanted to let my poor, | | | | or consequences, but more often than not, with |
| vulnerable baby girl cry. I never wanted her to have a | | | | commitment and a guilt-free conscious, we've |
| moment of discomfort. I never wanted to be like the | | | | managed our way into a bedtime routine that |
| cruel and heartless parents that are, whether real or | | | | everyone loves. |
| imagined, the parents of generations past. I wanted to | | | | Forget all the heated opinions about Ferber and |
| be an empathetic mother. | | | | co-sleeping, Ezzo and the "No Cry Sleep Solution". |
| It's a mentality that's popular with parents of my | | | | You're the parent. Whatever it is, you need to do what |
| generation. "Attachment Parenting", some call it, as | | | | works. It's what's best for you, and best for your child. |
| coined by the famous Dr. Sears. People who carry, | | | | The bottom line is, everyone's happier when everyone |
| sleep with, and respond to their children regardless of | | | | sleeps. |
| circumstance. And for some people, it works. Others, | | | | To those who have asked me for any specific book |
| however, end up curled up in a fetal position, cradling a | | | | recommendation, I always recommend Healthy Sleep |
| phone and begging for respite from anyone who might | | | | Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Weissbluth, who not only |
| respond. | | | | shares my philosophy, but will also outline to you |
| The first night I decided to let my baby cry, she was | | | | exactly why it is in the best interest of your child's |
| about six months old. We were going to "Ferberize" | | | | physical and neurological health to sleep properly. |
| her. My husband, who incidentally can sleep through the | | | | Just in case you're feeling guilty. |