| Parents are the most important role model in their | | | | respectful of others who are not like them? |
| children's lives, and it is crucial that they set the | | | | Sometimes when we watch historical movies, we can |
| example of being respectful to themselves, to their | | | | see that throughout history men have always been |
| children and to all others. Children are like mirrors | | | | cruel to each other, disrespectful of each other |
| because they reflect back to us much of what we | | | | because of race or creed or class. |
| say and do. 95% of everything learned by children is | | | | A poem about respect comes to us from Rene |
| through what is modelled to them, with only 5% | | | | Philombe, a political and cultural activist from Cameroon |
| learned by way of direct instruction. What we | | | | who died in 2001. The poem is originally in French and |
| communicate is what we teach and our language is | | | | its title is L'Homme qui te ressemble, which means The |
| the language that they will speak. | | | | Man Who is Like You. In this poem he calls all men his |
| Respect can permeate across all domains including: | | | | brothers and asks not to be asked his nationality or his |
| respect for ourselves, respect for our loved ones, | | | | skin color because he is a man like all men. He asks |
| respect for our neighbours, our co-workers, and all | | | | not to be asked about his physical traits or most |
| those who think differently than we do. This, of course, | | | | importantly the "names of his gods". Students who |
| is not easily accomplished. How can we treat this idea | | | | learn this poem in French are often seized for a |
| with mindfulness so that we don't stray from the | | | | moment by this line. What does he mean by don't ask |
| importance of allowing others their feelings about | | | | me the names of my gods. We all have different |
| things in the same ways that we want to be | | | | beliefs, but underneath we all need the same things. |
| respected for our personal ideas? | | | | We resemble each other because we all want to be |
| According to the dictionary respect means "Willingness | | | | warm, well-fed and loved. What we believe outside of |
| to show deferential consideration, appreciation, and | | | | our physical being is all in an effort to make sense of |
| hold high regard for another's opinion, wishes, and | | | | the world. So believe what ever comforts you, and |
| judgment." How can you hold high regard for someone | | | | allow everyone else to believe what comforts them. |
| if you don't trust their values and the way they live | | | | This is not an easy task for youth who are brought up |
| their lives. | | | | believing in one religion. It doesn't mean you should |
| To treat a person with respect is to acknowledge and | | | | change the way you feel or ask your children to |
| preserve their human dignity. Are you maintaining the | | | | change what they've been taught, but it does ask you |
| values that you hold as most important? Are you | | | | to be respectful of others and know that they have |
| patient with yourself when you make errors? Are you | | | | been taught different things. |
| prepared to admit you have made a mistake when | | | | The best way to teach respect to our children is to |
| you are impatient and say things that upset others? | | | | show respect. When our children experience respect, |
| Can you tell your child openly that your goal and the | | | | they know what it feels like and begin to understand |
| goal you want for him/her is to be the best person | | | | how life changing it can be. Respect is a way of living. |
| that you can be at all times. Although most of us are | | | | Being respectful helps a child to be more successful in |
| capable of handling the problems that arise in our daily | | | | school and paves the way for more success in |
| lives, there is always a day when everything feels out | | | | adulthood at work and in marriage. |
| of control. The best thing you can do is to take a little | | | | To summarize and consider ways to remind yourself |
| time to reevaluate. Remind yourself of what you have | | | | to be respectful to your child. Consider these 7 tips: |
| to be grateful for. Remind your children of what they | | | | 1. Take time to listen to your child. Listen attentively and |
| must remember to be grateful for. | | | | thoughtfully. Think carefully about what your child |
| One of the most important ways to treat yourself and | | | | wants and needs before you answer. |
| others respectfully is to take time to answer difficult | | | | 2. Remember that you will gain the respect of your |
| questions. When your children ask you about horrible | | | | child by being honest. Always answer your child as |
| things that happen on the news, or why people | | | | honestly as you can. If this means you have to wait |
| behave in a manner that goes against what you | | | | before you answer, take your time. |
| generally teach them, how can you answer them in a | | | | 3. Be prepared to apologise if you speak harshly or |
| respectful way? No matter how strongly you feel | | | | too quickly because you are busy or tired. It's important |
| about something, it's important to respond with an open | | | | for your child to see you as someone who is truly |
| mind. You could answer the question with something | | | | interested in respect. |
| like, "I wonder what could have been in that person's | | | | 4. Admire aloud the ideas and concepts that you value |
| mind that he did something like that." In other words | | | | so your child will not be surprised when he/she hears |
| you leave open the possibility for discussion of how | | | | you support your decisions with these remarks. |
| people make the decisions they make. In this way you | | | | 5. Love your child by being respectful, honest and fair. |
| are respectful of yourself and the way you think, but | | | | 6. Hold them accountable for their behaviour. |
| you also suggest to your children that there is always | | | | 7. You may not be able to control or make your child |
| more than one way of looking at something. | | | | (especially if an adolescent) show respect in their |
| Another problem with children is when they ask you if | | | | attitude, but never compromise in expecting them to |
| they can do something that you know you don't want | | | | return the respect that you show to them through their |
| them to do. Take a deep breath and say to your child, | | | | behaviours. |
| "Let me think about that? I'm a little tired or rushed at | | | | Although this is very old poem, we recommend that |
| the moment and I want to think about if there is a way | | | | you take the time to read "IF" by Rudyard Kipling with |
| we can work that out for you." Even if in your heart | | | | your child. It is written in simple language and most |
| you know you are going to reject the request, maybe | | | | children can relate to the ideas. Also, the rhythm of it |
| there's a way of problem solving to think of alternative | | | | and the rhyming lines make it easy to remember. If |
| ways to collaborate in making a healthy option to their | | | | children are often hurt by their friends or feel bad |
| request. Maybe your child will benefit from more time | | | | when they lose at something. This is a good poem to |
| to think about the request, and he/she will see that it is | | | | help them remember how to stay on course. The |
| perhaps a little unreasonable. By allowing some time | | | | qualities written about in this poem: patience, humility, |
| for thought and consideration, you show your child that | | | | honesty and level-headedness are traits that are |
| you are respectful of his ideas and feelings. | | | | important to teach our children.You can listen to this |
| At this time in history, it seems that one of the most | | | | poem read by a young adult on: |
| difficult things is to respect peoples of other ethnicities | | | | © 2009 Dr. Angel Adams and Dr Patricia Papciak. |
| and religions. How do you teach your children to be | | | | All Rights Reserved. |