| "body"> | | | | time new memories will replace the old painful ones. |
| It is a very different experience to lose a spouse, | | | | The first year will be a time of emotional turmoil and |
| husband, wife or partner who you love and are living | | | | change. Your feeling will be so close to the surface |
| with than to lose a spouse if you are estranged, | | | | that you may be surprised to find yourself crying at |
| separated or the relationship is full of problems | | | | the drop of a pin or the sound of a familiar voice, |
| It is different to lose a child, son or daughter who is at | | | | mistaken for your loved one's voice. |
| home and for whom you are responsible to teach and | | | | On the other hand you may grieve very little or not at |
| raise as opposed to a child who is grown up and has | | | | all for a relationship that is distant, casual or had less |
| been living on his or her own for several years. While | | | | emotional connection to you. An aunt, uncle, |
| you will always be a parent to your child no matter | | | | grandparent's death may affect you very little. |
| what age. Your responsibility for that child changes | | | | I was 13 when both of my grandmothers died. I was |
| when he/she leaves home to make a life on their own | | | | closer to my maternal grandmother and went to her |
| and the nature of the relationship changes. | | | | funeral. I was deeply touched and sad by losing her. |
| Life and loss go hand in hand. We all have many | | | | My father's mother on-the-other-hand and lived in |
| losses in our lives. Grieving is the common thread. | | | | another state and I had little contact with her in my |
| Bereavement is the process of healing emotions after | | | | young life. I didn't go to her funeral and her death |
| the death or separation from someone you love. | | | | barely touched me emotionally. |
| There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Feelings of | | | | Relationships within a family are impacted when a |
| loss are very personal and unique. You are the only | | | | member dies. If a son or daughter dies the parents are |
| one who knows what is important to you. People | | | | devastated and often so emotionally drained in dealing |
| commonly associate certain losses with strong feelings | | | | with their personal grief that they don't have the |
| of grief. | | | | foresight or energy to deal with the grief of other |
| The relationship is one factor in determining the | | | | family members. |
| intensity of the grief. When your mother, father, sister, | | | | Men and women tend to grieve differently. Women |
| brother, wife, husband, son, daughter or friend dies the | | | | are more apt to express their feelings overtly by |
| relationship you had with her/him will determine the | | | | crying, and talking about the death and their feelings. |
| strength and duration on your grief. | | | | Men tend to internalize their feelings and use escape |
| The death of someone you are living with is much | | | | tactics to bury or hide their feelings, alcohol and sports |
| more traumatic and the grieving process is prolonged | | | | are havens for hiding. |
| as the habits of being in the same space must be | | | | Siblings of a child who had died are left out and their |
| broken and adjusted to. Little things like where your | | | | feelings of grief are overlooked even ignored. It may |
| loved one sat at the kitchen or dining room table, what | | | | take a sensitive relative, friend, neighbor or teacher to |
| side of the bed she slept on, preparing his favorite | | | | realize that they are in emotional pain too and need to |
| foods, shoes left out or put away. | | | | have their grief recognized. |
| Then there are the personal possessions issues to be | | | | The situation is similar when a parent dies. For at least |
| deal with like clothes, nick-knacks, books, jewelry, | | | | the first year the surviving spouse will be in a state of |
| maybe vehicles and furniture. Final bills need to be paid, | | | | acute grief and may not have enough emotional |
| notification of distant friends, magazine subscriptions | | | | reserves to cope with the grief of her children. Outside |
| are more reminders of your loss. | | | | assistance with the children is necessary to allow their |
| If your son or daughter dies you have the toys, clothes, | | | | emotional needs to be met and facilitate healing. |
| bedroom and friends to cope with. | | | | I recommend support groups for parents and children |
| Special days like birthdays, anniversary, Christmas and | | | | to work on grief issues after losing a sibling, parent or |
| other holidays are especially difficult the first year after | | | | other caregiver. This is a place where professionals |
| the death. Most people dread the approaching holiday | | | | can give guidance and support to a grieving child or |
| but are grateful after they pass. After the day is over | | | | spouse. Sharing in a group the special circumstances |
| you will feel relief that you got through it. You may | | | | of your loss is therapeutic and healing. There are |
| reminisce and remember past celebrations making | | | | several very good supports around. Look for one in |
| your pain worse. The next year will be easier and in | | | | your community. If you can't find one start one. |