| February inevitably focuses us on the celebration of | | | | arrived in my office he professed her love for her in |
| love relationships. It is the time to honor the ones in our | | | | spite of all she had done to him. This undying loyalty |
| life that are special. A group of my friends and I take | | | | kept him from seeing the truth of what had happened, |
| always take Valentines Day very seriously by dressing | | | | and may have been the source of his fear of |
| in red and painting the town in celebration of love, the | | | | attracting love into his life. |
| romantic kind. There is no requirement for celebrating | | | | Love is useless if you cannot feel it and if it cannot be |
| and we may be using this as an excuse, but it is our | | | | expressed. Parents are the ones who teach us about |
| time to help others celebrate the experience of | | | | love. It is through our source relationships that we learn |
| romance whether we currently are in a relationship or | | | | to love ourselves enough to think we deserve the love |
| not. | | | | of someone else. If the work of our parents and their |
| So much of the love experience seems lost in the | | | | parenting was flawed or inadequate and they did not |
| stress-filled lives of our every day world. I have been | | | | complete the job of making us feel loved, sooner or |
| blessed to work with many couples in the years I have | | | | later we have to do this for ourselves. |
| been a mental health specialist. Rarely do they seek | | | | At the break-up of a primary relationship it is time to |
| my help because they do not love one another. Quite | | | | do some soul searching. It is time to look back at what |
| the opposite! It is not the love that is lost but the ability | | | | the other person taught us about ourselves. At the end |
| to experience it. My guess is that a large percentage | | | | of a painful experience the last thing we want to hear |
| of divorces occur between two people who love one | | | | is that we somehow attracted the other person |
| another but have lost the ability to make one another | | | | because of our own issues! But the truth is I believe |
| feel loved. | | | | we attract our deficits in the other person, the "holes" |
| A few years ago I worked with a wonderful young | | | | in our own self esteem. Relationships are our best |
| man named Joseph. He had managed to accomplish a | | | | teachers and how we best learn about ourselves. |
| lot in his young life. At thirty-five he ran a successful | | | | When adult relationships become painful we need to |
| business, was active in social circles, gave time to his | | | | ask ourselves if we are giving someone else power |
| community through volunteer efforts, and appeared to | | | | over our feelings, thoughts and choices. No one can |
| the outside world to have everything. Joseph | | | | make you feel anything! Take responsibility for your |
| desperately wanted a love relationship that was | | | | own thoughts, feelings and choices. In the long run you |
| sustainable. | | | | improve the quality of your relationship by improving |
| Joseph's mother was horrifically abusive. When he | | | | the one with yourself! |