Modeling Life For Your Children

Fast forward 20 years; your children might be 20, 25Fun and Enjoyment
or maybe even 35. It doesn't really matter how oldWhat you teach your children today about play is
they are. What matters is whether or not they willwhat they most likely will pass on to their children.
learn the important family values that you wish toWhenever a mother struggles to know how to play
impart. Now I understand that, as mothers, we don'twith her children, I normally ask her how her mother
have complete control over the choices our childrenplayed. The answer is she didn't. A mother that works
will make in their adult years. They won't alwaysall the time, leaving little room for fun and enjoyment,
choose our values, and that's okay. However, whensends a message to her kids about what she values.
they are still at home, we have more influence thanRelationships
you might imagine. By simply "being" who we are in ourIt was interesting to me that my son chose
own lives powerfully communicates what's mosttrustworthiness, caring, and responsibility as the three
important to us.most important values for relationships. I certainly never
My sixteen year old is taking an Adult Living class rightintentionally set out to teach these values as a basis
now in school. Recently, I had the pleasure of reading afor a relationship, although I admit they certainly are
paper he wrote on his expectations for his adult life. Itimportant. What messages might you send your
was amazing and intriguing to see how I havechildren about relationships? How is conflict handled in
influenced some of the dreams he has for his life. Hereyour home? Where does your marriage fall in the
are a few ideas he shared in his paper (ignore theorder of priorities? What are they learning about
grammar - he's still learning).friendship from you?
" I want to have lots of community involvementHealth and Aging
because I think that it's very important to haveAccording to the American Academy of Child and
community involvement and it helps you as a person.Adolescent Psychiatry, between 16 and 33 percent of
I've done a lot of community stuff as a teen now, and Ichildren and adolescents are obese. The AACAP also
want to be able to continue and especially with thestates that when one parent is obese, there is a 50
church because that community work is good.percent chance that the children will also be obese,
" My situation that I want with my parents is to have aand if there are two parents that are obese, the
good relationship. I want to be able to keep thechances of childhood obesity increase to 80 percent.
relationship strong and still communicate with themWhat does this tell us? Our children are watching us
because they have been role models in my life andfor examples on how to take care of their health.
they are very important people to me.What definition of "health and wellness" do you want
" Three values that will be important for the basis ofto pass on to your children?
the relationship will be trustworthiness, caring, andPersonal Finances
responsibility. It will be trust because that is the numberMany of our beliefs around money come from our
one essential thing that a relationship can havechildhood experiences. What did your parents teach
because with that there will be less problems and theyou about money, directly or indirectly? Did you
relationship will flow a lot smoother. Caring, becausewitness patterns of stinginess or abundance, spending
you want to be able to care for your spouse becauseor saving? Giving your children opportunities to learn
you love them, and being caring is very important for aabout money and develop healthy money habits is a
relationship because it evolves two people and supportwonderful gift to pass on to them.
is always great when someone is down. The third oneCareer and Profession
is responsibility because you have to be responsibleMy dad put me to work at 14 years old, and my
for your actions, and you need to be responsible forbrother started working in my dad's restaurant at the
what you need to do for the relationship.age of 12. I'm not sure if my father was conscious
Our children are listening and our children are watchingabout what he was teaching us, but one characteristic
us. Sometimes we might wonder if they are learningthat my brother and I both share is a strong work
anything we are teaching, but they are. They areethic. My father was an entrepreneur for most of his
listening to our words, but they are especiallyworking life, and my brother and I are both
experiencing our actions. Who we are in all areas ofentrepreneurs. Somehow we settled into what our role
our lives is the greatest teacher our children will evermodel taught us about work. Our children don't have to
have. The way in which we choose to conduct ourfollow in our foot steps, but we want to make sure
lives sends very subtle, but powerful messages to ourwe are modeling the foot steps that are authentic for
children. What values do you want to pass on to yourus, just in case they decide to.
children in each of these important areas of life?Home and Family
Personal DevelopmentMost moms focus a lot of their energy in the area of
Are you taking care of yourself emotionally? Wehome and family. It is not at all uncommon for us to
teach our children about boundaries, taking care ofask ourselves what kind of home environment we
their personal needs, and personal growth by modelingwant to provide for our children. We are regularly
these things in our own lives. What do you want yourlooking at what it takes to be a "good mom". The
children to learn about their own personaldefinition of "good mom" is different for all of us. It's not
development?something you can look up in the books - it's a way of
Spiritualitylife that feels authentic to you.
Over the weekend, I witnessed a third grade girl prayI can't tell you if there is a right way or a wrong way
over a box of food that was being sent to starvingto model life for your children. However, I can tell you
children in other countries. In the middle of a roomful ofthat it is worth your time and effort to explore all areas
135 adults and children, she delivered a profoundlyof your life and ask yourself if you are living your life
mature prayer with confidence and love. This youngauthentically. Your children are looking to you to
girl has learned through powerful examples what livinganswer those important questions about how to live
a spiritual life means in her family.their lives.