| Mom has dementia. And she has her difficult days. But | | | | 2. keep communication simple; |
| you can't fix her dementia, right? So you probably can't | | | | 3. if you need co-operation, take things one step at a |
| fix her being difficult, right? | | | | time and wait for completion of each step; |
| Here's the good news. Wrong! It's not that you can fix | | | | 4. don't be in a hurry because that slows down a |
| Mom, but you can learn how to remake your | | | | person with dementia; |
| relationship with her. Okay, I understand you don't want | | | | 5. don't argue because you won't win. A person with |
| to do that. But you do want to have an easier time, | | | | dementia can't do rational step-by-step thinking, so |
| don't you? And really, your better self wants Mom to | | | | they'll lock into stubborn resistance as a defence; |
| have an easier time too, right? | | | | 6. suggest, bribe, offer, persuade and re-direct instead |
| So, think of this as a quick fix for getting easier times | | | | of giving orders; |
| while being your Mom's caregiver. First, sit down and | | | | 7. be affectionate; |
| take a few deep slow breaths. Scan your own body | | | | 8. use humor; |
| for a moment. That frown -- your anxiety. Those | | | | 9. don't treat them like children; |
| clenched fists? Your pent-up anger. Weird feeling in | | | | 10. treat them with respect, ask them what they want, |
| the solar plexus? Your fear. And this is all normal for | | | | offer choice (limited choice, please!). |
| caregivers. | | | | If, in spite of all your efforts, this person gets mad at |
| Unfurrow your brow, unclench your fists, lay your | | | | you. Ask yourself what you did to scare them and |
| hands across your belly and breath. Don't have time | | | | acknowledge their feelings. |
| for this new age fiddle-faddle? Yeah, you do. Because | | | | As in: |
| your Mom is often difficult in direct response to your | | | | "Of course you're feeling angry right now. I understand. |
| own emotions. | | | | I'm sorry if I did something to upset you." |
| Having dementia is very scary indeed. You can't think | | | | When someone is angry, step back out of hitting |
| right, you don't remember right, you're on your own, | | | | range. If it's your husband, absolutely do not move |
| often among people who may even secretly blame | | | | forward to comfort an angry man with dementia. |
| you for having dementia. | | | | Stand back and give the space that is needed. They |
| So it's very reassuring when a caregiver can slow | | | | will feel safer, danger will be avoided. You can leave |
| down, relax, speak kindly, keep things simple and wait | | | | them literal space too. Go into another room and then |
| patiently. That's you. The more you do those things, the | | | | return. |
| less frightened your Mom will be. Because she can | | | | These approaches are social approaches that work |
| feel your tension and anger and fear. Then it's | | | | with a person who has what we might call regular |
| right-back-at-ya time. | | | | dementia. If you're dealing with a person with major |
| How to help a person with dementia feel safe: | | | | rage issues that probably have a long history, you |
| 1. slow down and get down physically to their level, so | | | | must get the help of a mental health specialist to make |
| you have eye to eye contact; | | | | a care plan that keeps you and the person safe. |