| According to researchers, approximately thirty percent | | | | certainly higher than the overall average, it is also not |
| of all divorces have periods of intense parent to | | | | nearly high as has been speculated at times in the |
| parent conflict. These parents are the biggest cause | | | | past. |
| for their children's struggles with divorce. When parents | | | | 4. Substance abuse increases the risk of violence, and |
| are in high conflict divorces, children suffer. The | | | | thus the risk of maladjustment for children. While this is |
| research clearly supports this basic fact. It is these | | | | common sense, it needs to be stated. When there is |
| families who also end up in the court system, and are | | | | abuse in the home, there is an increased risk of |
| often engaged with Child Protective Services or with | | | | violence. It is unclear as to the precise degree that |
| mental health professionals. | | | | substance abuse puts children at risk in a high conflict |
| These are also the families who often cause the most | | | | situation. Yet we do know that substance abuse |
| distress for family court judges, law guardians, | | | | increases the risk of violence.The risk of violence |
| matrimonial attorneys, and mental health professionals. | | | | increases the threat to children. |
| Often, these families contain parents who struggle with | | | | What can we do? |
| depression, substance abuse, personality disorders, and | | | | As professionals working with high conflict families, it |
| a wealth of dysfunctional patterns. | | | | often feels as if our hands are tied with regard to |
| Mental Health Professionals who have worked with | | | | protecting children. Most of us have probably |
| these families are aware that the intense conflict is | | | | experienced frustrating efforts to educate parents |
| unhealthy for children, yet it can be helpful to gain | | | | about the need to reduce their volatility, and yet find |
| clarity about the degree to which such high conflict | | | | children exposed to repeated episodes of conflict or |
| puts children at risk. | | | | violence. Nonetheless, it appears that certain guidelines |
| As you read this, please be careful NOT to minimize | | | | can be put in place, which helps to reduce the risk of |
| the fact that a range of factors have been associated | | | | exposure. These include: |
| with the struggles of children following divorce. Yet, | | | | 1. Keeping high conflict parents apart. The easiest way |
| there are a number of consistent findings which | | | | to prevent conflict with these volatile families is to |
| demand that we pay greater attention to the role of | | | | make certain that their exposure to one another is |
| intense conflict upon children. | | | | limited. These are the situations which often require |
| Why? Because we can do something about this | | | | mutual exchange points, the use of family members to |
| before the effects are so devastating for children. | | | | assist in exchanges, and the absence of direct |
| In this article, I will not offer an exhaustive review of | | | | contact. While it is somewhat appealing to argue that |
| the research. Instead, my focus is upon the intense | | | | counseling should help these parents deal with one |
| impact of conflict, and the options that we have to | | | | another, it is also true that many of these families have |
| potentially help children in these situations. | | | | emotional or psychological disorders, and simply do not |
| 1. Parent to parent conflict is bad for children. There is | | | | seem to learn or benefit from treatment. If the focus is |
| some findings in the divorce literature that can be | | | | then upon protecting children, it is essential to simply |
| debated. This is one which simply cannot be | | | | keep these families apart. |
| questioned. The data are overwhelming (Ayoub, | | | | 2. When volatile parents are still together, encourage |
| Detsch and Maraganore, 1999) (Amato & Keith, | | | | rapid solutions that protect the rights of both parents. |
| 1991) Research is also clear that as the level of conflict | | | | There are times when highly volatile parents remain |
| increases, so do the difficulties that children experience | | | | together as they engage in their legal struggles. At |
| (Sales, Manber and Rohman, 1992). These findings are | | | | times, these situations involve histories of spousal |
| clear not only for post divorce relationships, but this | | | | abuse. At other times, they are simply highly volatile |
| also applies to intact family situations. When there is | | | | situations with many episodes of screaming and yelling. |
| increased parental conflict, children's adjustments | | | | All of these are harmful to children. When prioritizing |
| deteriorate. | | | | the needs of children, it can be helpful to remain |
| 2. Parental conflict is more of a threat than is the | | | | cognizant of the ongoing damage that this does to |
| divorce. There is a growing body of literature which | | | | children. When constantly keeping this in mind, I can |
| argues that divorce does create challenges for | | | | then comfortably encourage parents to establish |
| children. Yet, when handled well, these are challenges | | | | schedules which avoid their direct contact with one |
| which children tend to adjust to in a reasonable fashion. | | | | another. When there is a long history of sustained |
| What children are not able to handle is the conflict | | | | conflict, there is little reason to believe that this will |
| between parents. Again, this is upheld in the research | | | | change without the benefit of some substantial period |
| that looks at intact families, where violence or extreme | | | | of time. |
| conflict in the home is one of the most reliable | | | | 3. Find children treatment with a trauma specialist. |
| predictors of poor adjustment by a child. | | | | Children who are exposed to intense conflict or |
| 3. Witnessing violence between parents is powerfully | | | | violence in the home often end up with diagnostically |
| unsettling. Children who witness violence between their | | | | significant symptomology. Many parents are in denial of |
| parents are clearly at greatest risk for future | | | | the need for treatment. Yet, the research would |
| adjustment difficulties (Amato & Keith, 1991; Ayoub | | | | suggest that the exposure to such situations are |
| et al, 1999; Jekielek, 1998)In fact, it appears that the | | | | traumatic to children. When approached as such, there |
| witnessing of violence in the home opens up the | | | | may not be the need for ongoing long term supportive |
| source of fear and concern for children that is difficult | | | | counseling. Instead, treatment from a specialist |
| to overcome. While ongoing exposure is clearly the | | | | prepared to handle trauma can be the most effective. |
| most traumatic, even exposure to a single episode of | | | | With many of the more encouraging intervention |
| violence is potentially traumatic to children. It is | | | | strategies available, treatment does not need to be a |
| important to note that there is some literature that | | | | relentless series of sessions with a therapist who |
| suggests that children who witness violence in the | | | | repeatedly reviews the history of trauma, and the child |
| home become at greater risk of being victims of | | | | who grows increasingly disinterested in counseling. |
| physical abuse themselves. | | | | The bottom line here is quite simple. When there is |
| However, the findings in the literature vary greatly on | | | | credible indications of violence, and children have been |
| this variable. However, Apple and Holden reviewed | | | | exposed to this, there is the utmost urgent need to |
| thirty one studies of the co occurrence of spousal | | | | help get children out of these situations. The more we |
| abuse and physical abuse (1998). They found a forty | | | | do so, the more symptomology will be eliminated. |
| percent co-occurrence. Thus, in situations where | | | | When this is combined with effective treatment, |
| children are witnessing spousal abuse, there appears | | | | focused on reduction of the traumatic memories, then |
| to be a forty percent risk of child abuse. While this is | | | | children can heal. |