| Anger management is one of the hallmarks of strong | | | | These centers offer free or low cost counseling. You |
| Emotional Intelligence or EQ. In Daniel Goleman's book | | | | can also contact your child's school counselor and they |
| Emotional Intelligence, he addresses being able to | | | | will be able to give you local resources. Continue to call |
| handle one's anger as a sign of high EQ. We know, | | | | until you reach a service that will help you. No excuses. |
| from physiology, that within less than seconds of | | | | Just do it. |
| becoming angry our brain and body are flooded with | | | | NORMAL ANGER: HOW TO MANAGE ANGER, |
| internal chemical changes. When this occurs, we | | | | IMPROVE YOUR EQ AND NURTURE YOUR |
| operate from our brain stem. Our brain stem is the | | | | RELATIONSHIPS |
| most primitive portion of our brain. It's responsible for | | | | Most people can use several more strategies in how |
| the fight or flight response and our autonomic nervous | | | | to handle their anger [ Even if you are not frequently |
| system (breathing, heart rate, body temperature etc.). | | | | an angry person these steps can be helpful in |
| When we are in this mode, we bypass our rational | | | | deepening your relationships. If you are an angry |
| portion of the brain. This spells trouble because the | | | | person, then these tools will be essential to help you |
| neo-cortex is our thinking, rational portion of our brain. | | | | with handling your anger more productively. (Again, if |
| I'm sure you've noticed that when you are really angry, | | | | you have been violent you will need to work with a |
| you can't think clearly. Again, the reason for that is that | | | | counselor or psychologist to develop long lasting |
| you are not using your logical, rational portion of your | | | | strategies). |
| brain. It takes a minimum of about 20 minutes for your | | | | 1. Stop arguing. When you continue to argue, you |
| brain chemicals to go back to normal and to think | | | | DON'T LISTEN and it just feeds the anger cycle. |
| clearly again. | | | | 2. Set some "good fight" rules. |
| It's time to take a look at your situation with anger. | | | | • NEVER say something that you know will hurt |
| Answer the following questions. Take an honest look, | | | | that person or relationship for a lifetime. It's cruel and |
| don't sugar coat how you handle anger. Even if you | | | | unnecessary and you know it. The person can forgive |
| are not angry often, please read some of the | | | | you, but they won't likely forget or trust you. |
| strategies that follow these questions. The strategies | | | | • Have a signal for pause. A simple phrase like, |
| can help in all of our relationships. | | | | "I'm just too angry and upset to talk right now. This is |
| When was the last time you were really angry? What | | | | important, so let's get back together and talk in a few |
| was the situation that created your feelings of anger? | | | | minutes when we're both more calm." |
| How frequently do you feel angry? | | | | • Make it ok to separate and cool down. Men |
| Do you have a short or long fuse? | | | | more than women will leave the scene when there's |
| Do you frequently become verbally abusive when | | | | extreme anger. I know this frustrates women. |
| you're angry? Do you call the person demeaning | | | | However, men leave because they have a sense that |
| names, cuss at them, call them stupid, fat, lazy or use | | | | anger is overtaking them and they fear they will harm |
| racial slurs? | | | | the woman or children they love. Do not take this |
| Have you ever become violent when you're angry? | | | | personally; it's a good thing. They can come back |
| "Just once" is still too often. Violence includes: slapping, | | | | when they have calmed down. |
| hitting, throwing things, hurting animals, punching walls or | | | | 3. Learn excellent communication skills. Every |
| destroying property. List any violent acts you've done | | | | community has adult learning, continuing education and |
| and who they were against. | | | | excellent workshops on communication. Make a |
| Are people afraid of you when you're angry? | | | | commitment to attend one of these trainings within the |
| Do you need to learn to express your anger in more | | | | next 3 months. This training will enrich your life and |
| productive ways? | | | | make all your relationships easier including work, |
| Do you need to control your anger? Is anger/rage | | | | children and home. One simple strategy I can give you |
| destroying your relationships? | | | | now is: Don't blame the other person for your reaction. |
| WARNING SIGNS THAT SIGNAL YOUR NEED FOR | | | | A simple phrase of - I feel______________, when |
| PROFESSIONAL HELP: | | | | you_____________. In the future I would like or I |
| There are warning signs that your rage is getting out | | | | expect_________________. This simple |
| of hand and you need professional help. If you are | | | | communication tools gets you to the heart of anger, |
| violent, verbally abusive and anger is destroying your | | | | which almost always is hurt. It is assertive, helps get |
| relationships it will take some massive action on your | | | | your needs met, yet does not attack or provoke the |
| part to stop this cycle. You need to call your local | | | | listener. |
| counseling center or social service agency and ask to | | | | 4. Do NOT mentally rehearse the anger situation over |
| participate in Anger Management sessions. It is NOT | | | | and over again. When you picture the situation and |
| ok to continue this way. The price others have paid to | | | | possible ugly comebacks you only prolong your anger. |
| be around you is far too high. The price you will pay, if | | | | It's a form of self-abuse and "justifies" and even uglier |
| you insist on continuing will be high also. Stop reading | | | | reaction to that person the next time you see them. |
| this now. Go to your phone with your phone book, look | | | | Mentally rehearse an easy flow of conversation. Feel |
| in the yellow pages under Counseling and call now. | | | | what it would be like to REALLY understand and be |
| You can look for counseling centers that are United | | | | understood by that person. Positive mental rehearsal |
| Way funded or connected with your local university. | | | | will help get you back into your rational brain. |