| Use anger correctly and positive results can happen! | | | | A simple but effective method of confronting others in |
| This statement is very shocking, for it is in direct | | | | a nonthreatening method is the "SeeFeelNeed' method. |
| contradiction with experience. Most people have | | | | Confront the person who is the recipient of the anger |
| witnessed the sharp and cutting blade of anger as it | | | | using this simple model: "I see what happened... |
| slashes and cuts its victims and have experienced the | | | | (describing the event)" "this is how this made me |
| unresolved anger that creates emotional distance | | | | feel...(use real feeling words, such as anger, hurt, etc) " |
| between themselves and their loved ones. It is natural | | | | and "I need this from you..."(How can resolution ever |
| to experience anger, but how can it achieve positive | | | | begin until the anger person identifies what is needed |
| results? | | | | for solution?) |
| When anger destroys a relationship, it was not used | | | | Since becoming aware of individual anger is the key to |
| correctly. When the expression of anger works in a | | | | this discussion, take personal responsibility for your |
| positive direction, it clarifies to others the boundaries | | | | anger by using "I" statements. Use "I" statements |
| necessary for all successful and healthy relationships. | | | | instead of the attacking the person by pointing the |
| Anger communicates a warning that a perceived | | | | verbal "you" finger; this puts the responsibility back |
| violation has occurred and provides the necessary | | | | where really belongs, on the person doing the |
| energy to do what is necessary to correct the | | | | confronting. Ask the question, whose problem is it? |
| situation. As strange as it may appear, without anger | | | | The answer is that it belongs to the person who is |
| there can be no successful relationships! | | | | angry. Think about it this was, the person who is |
| Anger has two distinct groups; new anger and old | | | | causing the anger might not even be aware of how |
| anger. Old anger is resentments, unmet expectations, | | | | their behavior is affection others and may even be |
| and past emotional wounds. Old anger is each | | | | surprised when confronted. |
| unresolved anger event stored inside of us that when | | | | Take personal responsibility for the problem by using |
| combined with a new annoyance adds to the | | | | the nonthreatening "I" statements, as in "I have got a |
| emotional pressure cooker. Anger is energy and when | | | | problem". Then use the "SeeFeelNeed" method for |
| this new anger is added to the boiling cauldron of | | | | asking for what you need. This "SeeFeelNeed" system |
| unexpressed emotions, there is no place for this force | | | | increases assertiveness in a style that is |
| to go blowing off the pot's lid, as in the expression | | | | nonthreatening. Attack the problem, not the person! |
| "blowing my lid"!. The broken shoelace may be the last | | | | The last part of this little equation is this... "ask for what |
| bit of energy added to the anger soup already cooking | | | | you want, be thankful for what you get, and then in a |
| that result in the inevitable explosion! The sad part is | | | | nondestructive methods to negotiate the difference". |
| that usually the targets of anger are the people that | | | | Try to develop an attitude of allowing what others also |
| are the closest and loved the most. | | | | need, commonly called a "win-win" situation. |
| Anger that is verbally expressed when it occurs, | | | | Personally deal with old anger by being willing to bring |
| somehow does not add to the stockpile of old anger, | | | | up wounds from the past with any associated pain but |
| and therefore loses its explosion potential. This is a | | | | most importantly take responsibility for the emotion, |
| simple rule of successful living. Appropriately | | | | don't blame but talk about the situation. Grieving may |
| expressing the anger as soon as possible keeps this | | | | be a necessary part of the healing process. The key |
| anger energy from winding up in our internal "anger | | | | is to examine the wounds of yesterday and their |
| pots". | | | | associated feelings then allow them to heal in the |
| What is the best method of appropriately expressing | | | | present time. Acknowledge the old anger, examine it, |
| this powerful emotion? A very simple, yet effective | | | | learn from the experience, and when that is completed |
| method of decreasing this energy is by actually saying | | | | the anger is not needed, so let it go. |
| the feeling word such as "mad", "angry", "frustrated", | | | | Many self-help groups are safe places to express |
| etc. In order for these words to release the energy, | | | | anger, pain, and shame. If the anger is overwhelming |
| say them aloud. This verbal expression of emotions | | | | and /or depression has occurred, a good starting place |
| allows the person to connect with the energy behind | | | | is a professional counselor. A trained mental health |
| the feeling, resulting in a decrease in the intensity of the | | | | therapist can assist in unlocking the old anger and |
| situation. If the relationship is important, then the direct | | | | associated shame. |
| expression of the anger toward that person is | | | | By choosing to use anger correctly allows the |
| necessary for maintaining a healthily relationship. Other | | | | freedom to live today without the burden of yesterday. |
| people need to know what the anger is about; for not | | | | These few simple but very difficult steps will allow |
| many are mind readers! | | | | anger to work as nature designated, building not |
| When people use anger to build relationships, each | | | | destroying relationships. Managing anger requires |
| person has a clear understanding of the other's needs | | | | willingness to manage this emotion, direct expression |
| and boundaries. The expression of anger can be in | | | | of anger toward the correct person, and most |
| normal conversational and even in a polite tone of | | | | importantly, the verbal expressing of the actual feeling |
| voice; shouting, hitting, or the silent treatment is not | | | | words. Although this is a simple plan, it is not easy. Use |
| confronting the anger in a healthy and successful | | | | anger correctly and positive results will happen. |
| manner. | | | | |