| "Addiction and alcoholism are not just a matter of | | | | acknowledge the extent or progression of the |
| curing the addict or alcoholic, the family also needs to | | | | problem. Types of denial include anger, blame, |
| acknowledge their pain and get help," says Sharon | | | | minimizing the problem, excuses, evasion and |
| Jackson, a counselor with the Orchard Recovery | | | | deflection. Denial blinds the alcoholic or substance |
| Centre. | | | | abuser and their family from recognizing the truth. |
| As Al-Anon states, families and friends are relieved | | | | Enabling is a common response to addiction that takes |
| and surprised when they learn they didn't cause the | | | | many forms. It allows the alcoholic or drug addict to |
| alcoholism, they can't cure it and they can't control it. | | | | avoid the consequences of his or her substance |
| The family with an alcoholic or substance abuser | | | | abuse and behavior. The enabler is a friend or family |
| becomes dysfunctional and falls into chaos and crisis. It | | | | member who tries to help the alcoholic or drug addict |
| is no longer a healthy vibrant system. As the | | | | and who will lie for and rescue the substance abuser |
| substance abuse progresses the family also becomes | | | | or alcoholic from various calamities. While the enabler |
| unwell: socially, financially, mentally, emotionally and | | | | may think he or she is helping the person with an |
| even physically ─ with poor health resulting from | | | | addiction the opposite is true. Enablers allow the |
| various stress-related issues. | | | | disease of addiction to progress to more acute levels. |
| Spiritually there is a loss of hope and an end to | | | | At the Orchard substance abuse treatment center we |
| contentment. Family members are unable to separate | | | | believe that the client's recovery is contingent on their |
| the illness from the person they love, so there is | | | | family's recovery. That's why we hold educational and |
| conflict between loving the substance abuser and | | | | family group therapy sessions every Saturday. In this |
| holding them in contempt. An environment of trust, | | | | safe environment both the addict/alcoholic and the |
| courtesy, respect, love and kindness is replaced with | | | | family are given an opportunity to begin the healing of |
| one of suspicion, fear, betrayal, depression and | | | | the sometimes catastrophic consequences of their |
| resentment. | | | | substance abuse. |
| Co-dependency develops as a response to the | | | | "Self-care and the care of other family members must |
| chaotic conditions in the family of the alcoholic/drug | | | | become the priority. Don't allow the family life to be |
| addict and produces unhealthy patterns of relating and | | | | overshadowed by the negativity of addiction," says |
| behavior. Often co-dependents develop compulsions | | | | Jackson. Alcoholism and drug addiction can cause |
| of their own and a loss of control very similar to that | | | | isolation, guilt and shame. By breaking the cycle of |
| of the substance abuser. | | | | silence and denial both the addict or alcoholic and their |
| Dysfunctional emotions, thinking and reactions between | | | | loved ones can begin to understand, release shame |
| family members and the alcoholic or drug addict begin | | | | and process bottled-up feelings. They learn that |
| as coping mechanisms to help the family survive as | | | | everyone is responsible ─ no one is to blame. |
| they start experiencing deep emotional pain, but these | | | | Family members need to realize that they need help |
| soon become self-defeating. Co-dependency patterns | | | | regardless of the addict's or alcoholic's commitment to |
| may include controlling, perfectionism, repression of | | | | recovery. They can begin by focusing on their own |
| emotions, oppressive rules, a lack of true intimacy, and | | | | pain, learning about the disease and detaching from the |
| behavioral addictions, such as overworking, | | | | alcoholic or drug addict with love. |
| overspending, overeating, religiosity, etc. | | | | "I am constantly amazed by the reconciliation and |
| Families with members suffering drug addiction or | | | | healing that families experience when they reach out |
| alcoholism also have patterns of denial. They fail to | | | | for help. |