| Copyright (c) 2009 Ron Lasorsa | | | | children. |
| Child Custody | | | | The impact of divorce on children is extraordinary. |
| Custody is a highly litigated area of family law that can | | | | Anyone who thinks that their children are not affected |
| be both expensive and emotionally draining, even when | | | | is not paying any attention to the obvious signs. The |
| done correctly. The following represents some pointers | | | | above are mere suggestions to avoid some or all of |
| designed to help parties avoid the stress, expense and | | | | the emotional detriment to your child(ren) that divorce |
| emotional damage often attributed to child custody | | | | can cause such as: |
| litigation; | | | | - Regressive behavior: Children who experience any |
| 1. Try to come to agreements on your own: Parties | | | | trauma, particularly divorce may exhibit certain |
| who craft their own custody agreements are usually | | | | regressive behaviors such as fit throwing, tantrums, |
| much happier with the outcome because they feel like | | | | refusing to sleep alone and bed wetting, for example. |
| they have played an active role in the decision and are | | | | - Defiance and rebelliousness: This form of |
| consequently more apt to comply. In addition, you do | | | | disobedience might manifest itself at home or at |
| not need an attorney to come to your own stipulation | | | | school. It may stem from a child's desire to gain their |
| which can save hundreds, even thousands of dollars. It | | | | parents attention in hopes of taking the focus off the |
| is far better for the two people who know a child best | | | | divorce. Depending on the age and maturity of the |
| to come to a decision related to custody than leaving it | | | | child, they may feel as though they can actually do |
| in the hands of a stranger. | | | | something to stop this divorce from happening even if |
| 2. Seek out an experienced mediator: Custody | | | | it is in the form of very negative behavior. |
| mediators can play a crucial role in the outcome of a | | | | - Social difficulty: Children who have a tumultuous |
| custody battle. These individuals can be retired | | | | home life can have difficulty interacting socially due to |
| attorneys, current attorneys or mediators with divorce | | | | depression, sadness or grief at the loss of the family |
| experience, for example. The goal of mediation is to | | | | structure. |
| come to an agreement with which both parties can | | | | - Statistics: Studies show that children of divorced |
| live by a give-and-take principle. Parties in mediation | | | | homes are more likely to drop out of high school (and |
| realize that they must give a little to get a little and the | | | | are at a greater risk of teenage pregnancy. Children |
| spirit of compromise is what makes mediation actually | | | | from divorced families have higher incidence of |
| work. In the event that you are unable to come to | | | | truancy and negative attitudes toward school. |
| agreements on your own, mediators can be very | | | | Yes, there are an equal number of studies out there |
| useful. | | | | that support the proposition that children from divorced |
| 3. Work with existing court orders, even the | | | | families are no different emotionally, academically or |
| recommendations: If you are in litigation and you have | | | | financially. But more than likely those funding said |
| existing court orders, learn to work within the | | | | studies are the very individuals who profit from the big |
| framework of what you have. For example, if the | | | | business of child custody - Family law attorneys. It has |
| court order has recommended parenting classes, you | | | | been proven time and time again that a two parent |
| should take them. Now, if the court orders you to do a | | | | household is best and that children who have to |
| proscribed activity, such as drug test or drop children | | | | endure the divorce of their parents suffer. Therefore, if |
| off at a specific time and day, you do not have the | | | | divorce is the only option, the way to minimize and |
| option of whether or not to comply. | | | | hopefully eliminate the impact on the children is to be |
| 4. Seek out individual counseling: If some of your | | | | mature, try to work things out between the two of |
| anxiety or stress stems from the fact that you are | | | | you, seek out an experienced mediator when unable |
| actually still grieving the loss of the relationship, it is wise | | | | to do so, follow all court orders and get yourself the |
| to seek out private counseling to work through some | | | | spiritual or psychological counseling YOU need to |
| of these issues to avoid the inevitable impact on your | | | | move on and be the best parent YOU can be. |