| Recently, two new words have become very
| |
| | chooses to pursue. There is no
|
| popular in studying the Psychology of
| |
| | antagonism, but rather mutual support and
|
| Relationships. They are codependence and
| |
| | encouragement. We feel joy rather than
|
| co-commitment, which describe two totally
| |
| | jealousy when the other succeeds.
|
| different types of relationships.
| |
| | In co-commitment, we take 100%
|
| CODEPENDENCE
| |
| | responsibility for our reality and allow
|
| Codependence describes a situation in
| |
| | the other to do the same. We do not
|
| which two people are dependent or
| |
| | expect the other to solve our problems or
|
| addicted to each other. We lose the
| |
| | make us happy. That is our
|
| ability to be happy within ourselves and
| |
| | responsibility. Also we realize that we
|
| become dependent on each other for our
| |
| | cannot make the other happy. We can help
|
| feelings of safety and self worth. Both
| |
| | and support each other, but cannot create
|
| are limited by the relationship rather
| |
| | the other's reality.
|
| than helped to grow within it.
| |
| | MOVING FROM CO-DEPENDENCY TO
|
| Codependence breeds antagonism and games
| |
| | CO-COMMITMENT
|
| in which one tries to control the other,
| |
| | In co-commitment, we learn to confront
|
| often through various roles, by
| |
| | our fears of becoming intimate. This is
|
| intimidating, questioning, criticizing,
| |
| | not always easy at first as we may have
|
| playing the victim or retreating into
| |
| | fears about getting very close to
|
| oneself and becoming aloof.
| |
| | someone. Some of those fears might be:a.
|
| Such relationships often result in
| |
| | I am not worthy, and if the other knows
|
| vicious circles in which no one changes
| |
| | me well, he or she will not want to be
|
| and no one is happy. We might even
| |
| | with me.b. I might be hurt, rejected or
|
| undermine our own happiness and power
| |
| | betrayed.c. The other might abandon me
|
| because we are afraid to be happy or
| |
| | and I will not be able to cope.d. I will
|
| strong when the other is not. Promises or
| |
| | lose my freedom.e. I will not be able to
|
| perhaps even threats that serious changes
| |
| | be myself.
|
| are going to take place seldom become
| |
| | A part of the co-commitment relationship
|
| reality.
| |
| | is to be able to be intimate while
|
| We feel responsible for the other's
| |
| | simultaneously independent. Few have
|
| reality and cannot let him or her feel
| |
| | managed to find this balance. Some have
|
| unhappy. We try to change the other's
| |
| | mastered the ability to be close, but
|
| mood, and until the other changes, we
| |
| | find it difficult to be happy alone.
|
| cannot feel happy ourselves. Our state of
| |
| | Others may find it easier to be okay
|
| mind is dependent upon the other's
| |
| | alone, but are not able to be intimate.
|
| behavior and attitude.
| |
| | Some of the behaviors that possibly
|
| In codependence, our fears prevent us
| |
| | exhibit a fear of being very close with
|
| from telling the whole truth to the other
| |
| | someone might be:a. We withdraw into
|
| and sometimes even to ourselves.
| |
| | ourselves and avoid deep or meaningful
|
| Criticism becomes a major form of
| |
| | contact with the other.b. We mentally
|
| communication and arguments continuously
| |
| | manufacture faults in the other so that
|
| recycle. Most arguments revolve around
| |
| | we are justified in not getting closer.c.
|
| the ancient game of "who is right."
| |
| | We become emotionally numb and lose
|
| When we are dependent on someone, we will
| |
| | contact with our feelings.d. We start
|
| often deny our own needs and even our
| |
| | arguments in order to create a distance
|
| values in order to ensure the other's
| |
| | from the other.e. We subconsciously
|
| acceptance and / or approval. We might
| |
| | create an illness that prevents us from
|
| find ourselves not only ignoring our
| |
| | getting closer.f. We tend to live in the
|
| needs, but also doing things we do not
| |
| | past and avoid the present, and thus
|
| really want to do.
| |
| | contact with the other.g. We become
|
| CO-COMMITMENT
| |
| | absorbed in our work, hobby or any
|
| In co-commitment, we feel close to each
| |
| | activity in order to avoid the other.
|
| and want to share our lives without
| |
| | The above reactions are unconscious
|
| feeling dependent or that we cannot be
| |
| | self-protective mechanisms, which
|
| happy alone or with someone else. We want
| |
| | unfortunately seldom protect us and
|
| the other to be happy and we do whatever
| |
| | always imprison us in lives without love
|
| we can in order to help him or her be
| |
| | or growth. Such reactions will be even
|
| happy, but do not believe we are
| |
| | more prevalent when the others are
|
| responsible if he or she is not.
| |
| | playing roles such as intimidator or
|
| We can continue being happy even when the
| |
| | interrogator and in some cases even
|
| other is not.
| |
| | victim and aloof.
|
| We see the relationship as a growth
| |
| | But just as we have the fear getting
|
| process and know that essential to that
| |
| | close to the other, we also fear being
|
| growth is being able to be truthful with
| |
| | too far away. There is a Greek saying,
|
| ourselves and each other. We learn to be
| |
| | "We cannot be happy together and cannot
|
| truthful about needs, thoughts and
| |
| | be happy apart." When then can we be
|
| feelings.
| |
| | happy? This is the nature of codependence
|
| We love the other and want him or her to
| |
| | - fear of being close and fear of being
|
| blossom and succeed in whatever he or she
| |
| | apart.
|
