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Article #11: Defeating the Homework Blues

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Is it a struggle and a challenge getting its best. The child who knows that he or
your kids to complete their daily she is grounded to their bedroom until
homework? Do you get frustrated and submitting to a specific behavior will
dread homework time? If you answered yes likely make it their duty to convince
to either of these questions, this their parent that they really enjoy the
article is for you. This article consequence. By getting parents to
contains insightful solutions to your believe this may subsequently entice the
daily homework blues. Having worked as a parent to choose a different consequence
mental health therapist for over 20 or eliminate the consequence altogether.
years, I noticed that many families share In reality, your child would rather play
specific common unhealthy beliefs and outside or in public areas of your home
values centered on the issue of homework. instead spending days and nights in his
This article identifies these unhealthy or her bedroom.
beliefs and values that impede the If your child engages in activities in
homework process. his or her bedroom such as watching
1st Unhealthy Belief: "I need to assist television or playing video games instead
my child with homework because he or she of completing homework, you should remove
doe not understand the homework." these activities from your child's
Many parents feel that their children bedroom because he or her is compromising
require assistance when completing your parental authority. These items can
homework. School teachers give children be restored once your child follows your
homework to practice specific skills rules.
taught that day in school. Your child, 5th Unhealthy Belief: "I believe that
unless he or she was inattentive in my child should serve a mandatory daily
class, should have a general idea of how study hour regardless of his or her
to complete his or her homework. academic ability."
Sometimes, kids pretend that they do not Typically, a mandatory daily study hour
know how to complete homework in hopes consists of children completing homework
that their parent would do it for them. and engaging in other academic activities
A parent who routinely helps their child such as reading to complete the hour. I
complete homework because of class would only recommend a child serve a
inattentiveness is reinforcing the daily study hour if his or her report
inattentiveness. Why would your child card grades fall below a specific grade
choose to pay attention in class if he or expectation. For instance, if you and
she knows that you are going to help them your child previously agreed that a daily
with their homework anyway? study hour would be enforced if his or
Failing to pay attention in class is not her grades fall below a C in any given
an academic issue. It is a behavioral subject, your child should be required to
issue that requires a behavioral serve a daily study hour for the next
intervention. Your child needs to take school term until his or her grades
responsibility for failing to pay improve to a C or better.
attention in class. One way to do this If your child maintains grades
is to have your child attend school the consistent with your expectations as
next day with his or her homework noted on his or her report card, he or
uncompleted. It is not your fault that she should only complete their daily
your child failed to complete his or her homework and should not be required to
homework. I have worked with several serve a daily study hour. Play time is
parents who blamed themselves for and very important to a child. Therefore, it
assumed responsibility of their child's is necessary for children to have equal
homework that they began experiencing play and study time. A child should only
signs of burnout. Give that have a mandatory study hour as a
responsibility over to your child. Your consequence to poor school grades as
child will ultimately experience school noted on his or her report card.
consequences for his or her failure to 6th Unhealthy Belief: "I believe that
complete homework. By giving your child my child should begin completing homework
the ownership and responsibility of his after dinner each day."
or her homework promotes accountability, The best time for children to complete
organization, and self-confidence. homework is right after they get home
Parents should never fear having their from school. Once at home, children
children experience negative should have a snack consisting of an
consequences. Consequences are learning edible and a beverage before completing
experiences that teach children right homework. The snack time should be
from wrong. If parents always protect limited from 15 minutes to a half an
their children from experiencing hour. It is important for children to
consequences, their children may never have a snack, especially a beverage,
learn right from wrong. Instead, they before completing their homework because
will always expect their parents to pick this helps re-energize their brain
up the pieces when they make a mistake. muscles. Since there is some daylight
Think of it this way - when you do not after school, this presents as an
know how to complete a specific task at incentive for children. The quicker your
your place of employment, what do you do? child successfully completes his or her
Do you ask your significant other or homework, the quicker he or she can
your employer how to complete the task? engage in outside privileges. In
Obviously, you would get your instruction addition, there would be plenty of time
from your employer. Therefore, your for children to complete their homework
child needs to learn from his or her before bedtime. Children who complete
school teacher. I am not suggesting that homework after dinner have less time to
you shouldn't help your child every once complete homework.
in awhile. However, if assisting your It is very important for you to tell
child with homework becomes routine, your child when he or she needs to begin
there is a problem. completing homework rather than telling
An easy indicator as to whether your him or her the time that homework should
child truly requires assistance with be completed. For instance, if you tell
homework is to ask his or her school your child that homework must be
teacher how much assistance your child completed by 6:00pm, your child might
requires with school work. If your feel like a failure if his or her
child's school teacher says that your homework extends beyond the designated
child works independently and requires time. In addition, your child might rush
minimal assistance, then there is a to complete his or her homework making
strong possibility that your child is many homework errors.
manipulating by making you believe that Children typically find it very
he or she requires significant difficult completing homework after
assistance. dinner primarily because of fatigue.
If your child's school teacher reports Fatigue usually follows a heavy meal.
that your child frequently day dreams, Parents often extend their children's
fails to pay attention, and requires daily bedtime in order for them to
significant assistance when completing complete their homework. Parents should
school work, you should probably consult never extend their children's bedtime
with your child's physician to rule out because children need their sleep and
medical and/or psychological factors that rest in order to grow and to function
might be contributing to these behaviors. properly the next day.
7th Unhealthy Belief: "My child refuses
2nd Unhealthy Belief: "My child will or forgets to bring homework home and
only complete his or her homework in my there is nothing that I can do to change
presence." his or her behavior."
This is a common misconception that First of all, you need to develop a rule
parents share. The problem with having at home that states that homework must be
your child complete homework in your brought home and completed daily. In
presence is that there are usually too addition, this rule must have its own
many distractions or stimulation making unique consequence in the event that your
it difficult for him or her to focus and child fails to bring homework home.
concentrate on homework. Asking for your Which ever consequence you choose to
assist is also too convenient. Dinner enforce, it is important that its
preparation, people walking through the duration lasts for one day, from the time
room, conversations, and telephone calls your child arrives home from school till
are all common distractions to a child the time he or she goes to bed. It is
who is attempting to complete homework. equally important that the duration of
This is especially counterproductive for the consequence last no more than one day
a child who has been diagnosed with ADHD per occurrence. If you consequent your
(Attention Deficit Hyperactivity child for more than one day per
Disorder). occurrence, your child will develop
The best place for a child to complete learned helplessness and will not be
homework is in his or her bedroom or some motivated to bring home or complete
other secluded room of the home. homework for the duration of the
Completing homework in a secluded room consequence making the consequence
would limit distractions/stimulation and ineffective.
make it less convenient to ask you for In order for you to learn whether or not
assistance. your child has homework each day, you
3rd Unhealthy Belief: "Toys and games should require him or her to bring a note
in my child's bedroom prevent him or her pad to and from school detailing daily
from completing homework." homework assignments. Each day, your
Think in terms of your child completing child should be responsible for logging
homework in his or her bedroom as a form homework assignments as well as having
of grounding. Your child is not really the school teacher verify and sign the
grounded. However, your child should not note pad. You should discuss the
be allowed to exit his or her bedroom, logistics of this technique with your
for the exception of bathroom breaks, child's school teacher prior to its
until the homework is completed and implementation.
checked by you. Since your child will If your child claims that he or she
receive limited attention from you, forgets to bring home homework and/or the
completing homework in the bedroom will note pad, your child needs to be
only act as an incentive for your child consequented at home. Consequenting your
to complete homework timely. This child will encourage him or her to
technique will also help your child learn remember to bring homework and/or the
to focus, become more organized and note pad home the next time. Please keep
structured, and become accountable for in mind that consequences always follow
his or her actions. forgetfulness. Therefore, we should
If by chance your child fails to never fail to give children consequences
complete his or her homework by their when they forget specific tasks. If
bedtime, your child should attend school forgetfulness is a routine problem for
the following day with his or her your child that extends beyond homework,
homework uncompleted. As mentioned you should consider having him or her
earlier, your child will experience evaluated by a physician to rule out
consequences at school for his or her medical or psychological issues that
failure to complete homework. might be contributing to forgetfulness.
4th Unhealthy Belief: "My child loves Sometimes, depression and stress
being in his or her bedroom and will contribute to forgetfulness. However, if
never submit to completing homework in your child routinely remembers other
there." things except for his or her homework,
Even though plenty of parents tried to your child might be attempting to
convince me that their children would manipulate you.
rather spend days and nights in their It is my hope that the tips and
bedroom rather than playing outside or in techniques discussed in this article
the living room, this is manipulation at reduce the homework blues at your home.






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