| This may come as a surprise, but many parents are | | | | trivial or irrelevant - then you are investing heavily in |
| unaware of the full extent of their child's basic needs. | | | | your children's emotional well-being. |
| Do you remember the old song by Lennon and | | | | Although many parents are becoming aware of the |
| McCartney about the girl leaving home after 'living | | | | emotional needs of children, some are a bit hazy when |
| alone for so many years'? The parents were desolate. | | | | it comes to their intellectual needs. |
| They'd given her everything money could buy - so | | | | There's still a perception that those kids who do well at |
| how could she possibly have been lonely and | | | | school just happen to be the 'brainy' ones. |
| unhappy? | | | | Yet a wide body of research suggests that school or |
| Clearly, there were some needs that just weren't | | | | 'academic' success will be determined by a child's |
| being met at home, so the girl upped and left. | | | | positive self-image AND by the stimulation and |
| What are these basic needs we must be aware of if | | | | interaction the child receives at home. |
| we're to be effective parents? | | | | These affect the thought-processes of the child, and |
| There are four categories: physical, emotional, | | | | the thought-processes (HOW the child thinks) are the |
| intellectual and spiritual. | | | | tools used in learning. |
| So often people overestimate the first category, | | | | Kids who perform well at school consistently come |
| physical needs - but let's not underestimate them | | | | from homes where there's a lot of mental stimulation |
| either! We all need food and drink, warmth, clothing and | | | | through play, a variety of experiences, and interaction |
| shelter to protect us from the elements. | | | | through discussion and conversation. |
| These will sustain life, but by themselves they won't | | | | Finally, if intellectual needs are hazy, there appears to |
| promote positive relationships. Some parents, however, | | | | be downright confusion over spiritual needs. |
| shower their kids with material things in order to over- | | | | That children have spiritual needs comes as a shock |
| compensate for the other areas. | | | | to some parents, and others hotly dispute this need. |
| And we all know that, despite their wealth, many of | | | | This seems to be because most people associate |
| these same kids are miserable. Their other needs are | | | | spiritual needs with religion, but they are not necessarily |
| just not being met. | | | | related to religious beliefs. |
| Probably the most obvious of these other needs is | | | | It's generally accepted in modern educational and |
| emotional in nature. | | | | clinical psychology that we all have spiritual needs. |
| Love and affection are vital, but there's more to it. | | | | It's helpful to make your kids aware that there are |
| Children need constant reassurance! When our | | | | greater forces and powers at work in nature and in |
| personalities are forming we are on the lookout for | | | | the universe, and that their lives work best when they |
| feedback, so that we know what to accept and what | | | | are in harmony with these. |
| to reject. | | | | You can meet your kids' spiritual needs by participating |
| We also form our picture of ourselves from the | | | | in your religion, but also by fostering a sense of awe |
| feedback we get from others, especially those who | | | | and wonder about the grandeur of the world. |
| have 'significant' roles in our lives: parents first, then | | | | Teach your children to respect nature and the life |
| siblings, relatives, teachers, friends and so on. | | | | force that permeates it. |
| The bottom line is that a child doesn't really know what | | | | On to this can be built an appreciation of the diversity |
| to make of himself until that feedback comes in. | | | | and variety of human lives and customs. |
| And they make value judgements so quickly! 'Hey, I'm | | | | As a result your kids will grow up with a value system, |
| pretty good at this, everbody tells me so!' | | | | which when followed will lead to contentment and |
| Or how about, 'Yeah, I guess I'm a pretty stupid, | | | | happiness. |
| useless person. They always laugh at me. That's if | | | | A well-rounded individual, then, is one who's needs are |
| they take any notice at all!' | | | | met in all the above categories: physical, emotional, |
| As a parent it's easy for you to praise the child who's | | | | intellectual and spiritual. |
| doing well, but the child who's struggling needs as much | | | | Take action now to meet ALL your kid's basic needs. |
| - no, needs more - praise and encouragement. And so | | | | It's never too late, but obviously the earlier you start, |
| often we overlook this. | | | | the better. Your kids will be well-balanced and happy. |
| If you take the time to listen to your kids, to take their | | | | And you? Well, you'll be taking pride and pleasure in a |
| interests and ideas seriously - even if they seem petty, | | | | job well done! |